New Year's Day
It's snowing again. Thismorning and yesterday it was sunny and fine, blue skies all around, though just now it began to snow.
We feasted on many things including oseiji ryouri, the box of assorted foods to welcome in the New Year.
Omairi - hatsumode- first temple visit for the year
Waking up at 4:30, departing at 5:30. Snow still fluttering about as we climbed into the minivan, 6 people had become 5 as Aunty was unwell with a cold. Listened to music from the moment we left, watching the crisp, fresh snow be revealed gradually by the rising sun, it's colours a glorious wash of colour from the deep blue of morning. One of the most beautiful sunrises of my existance so far proving to be an apt beginning to what would become one of the most profound days of my existance so far.
Listening to Alex's music mix, each song unlocking access to moments and memories and allowing the chance for quiet reflection. Please allow me to share some with you. ( roughly half)
Thousand Beautiful Things - Annie Lennox: the struggle to get up each day those first few homesick weeks.
Who Are We Fooling - Brooke Fraiser: understanding the heartbreak of Jamie.
For Today I Am A Boy - Antony and the Johnson's: the truth that it's perfect fine to be Bastien, the genderqueer.
Memories Of Green - Vangelis and Oror/Lullaby - Isabel Bayrakdarian: my calm on those late nights half asleep completing homework.
Radar - Katie Noonan: facing the truth on the flight over, looking out to the little red light on the wing, realising it's no longer in my power to physically hug my friends when my only wish may be to do so.
A Coral Room - Kate Bush: those memories from childhood that will always stay with me. Knowing that those memories are never far away.
Idaho - Nerina Pallot: hopes leaving Canberra.Escape from a painful place to find myself in this new chapter in Japan.
The Beautfiul Girls & Girls - Asian Envy: walking through Osu Kannon in Lolita, World Cosplay and crouds wearing my quirky yet stylish fashion and knowing everyone can see my desired western features.
Off the Dancefloor - Junkie XL: that evening at Cube with Alex. :D
The Golden Path - The Chemical Brothers: that feeling like tredding in the middle of my exchange when that Golden Path seemed to have completely vanished.
Taking My Time - Asian Envy: Few months in, towards the beginning of exams, my reminder to look after myself and not to panic.
Nothing Really Matters - Madonna: the recent revelation of the truth in this song. Reflections on how nothing will be as helpful in overcoming past issues as progress towards a brighter future with the pasts lessons in mind.
Give Me Love - Ed Sheeran: Facing a year virtually alone, this song reminded me in those brief moments allowed to feel, that my shut away heart was still yearning for love.
Ever So Lonley - Sheila Chandra: Seperation anxiety.
Into The West - Annie Lennox: that moment at 5am when the sky is beginning to lighten, my head finally hitting the pillow after a hard night study.
The Careless Kind - Infusion: Complete loss of caring, loss of emotion during those middle months.
The Ghost Inside - Broken Bells: That point of submersion. Giving up being happy for the sake of causing as little frustration to the Japanese people. Desire to be cookie cutter. Loss of self.
Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap: lying on the carpet in the sun, wondering what was happening to me...feeling like the sun hiding behind a dark cloud. But knowing this was nessesary.
Kaval Sviri - touching something brighter, like light beams through those clouds. Often danced. ^_^
Another World - Antony and the Johnsons: Placing Australia into a box, piece by piece during those first few months. Hoping it would be worth it.
The Irrepressibles - Two Men in Love: reminded me of beauteous love, wishing to proclaim it to the world, though fearing the danger that bond would face. Love this song so much.
Don't a Give Up -Peter Gabriel: Tears on the pillow. Long nights of deep thoughts. That quiet voice in the cold loneliness.
Love Me like a River Does & Deep Within The Corners Of My Mind - Melody Gardot: Dreams of that love, soft and continuous. "Just be my friend" ( You know who you are)
Trout Heart Replica - Amanda Palmer & Grand a Theft Orchestra: those days questioning myself. " Am I a bad person?"
Forget the Past - The Irrepressables: Coming to terms with the heartache bit by bit. Closer than my first desperate flee at the beginning of the year, though still in the process of viewing the grief. This song speaks your name, despite not being able to speak it myself for many months.
Beauty of All Things - George: Small happinesses in each day that kept me going.
Stay - Rihanna: such a powerful song. My love, this one is for us.
Closer - Lovers Electric: Paws.
Into my arms - Katie Noonan & Karin Schaupp: Failing my test, coming home, calling you to apologise for my failings, though you just told me everything was going to be alright. The sunlight was bright through my tears.
Have To Drive - Amanda Palmer: Losing control of my fantastic logic and ability to make myself happy.
Struggle - How To Dress Well: Beginning of second semester realizing that one semester of struggle was over, though another was soon to begin.
The Enchantment - Sheila Chandra: my beyond wonderful friend Alex and his encouragement. You always call me Senti, the spirit fox, reminding me of my most beloved form and it's glory. So grateful.
Carmen - Lana Del Rey: reminded me of myself. Carmen. Hiding from intense pain behind this seemingly perfect always smiling facade.
Take My Soul - Theivery Corperation: explanation is very dark, though somewhat obvious considering the song title. Ask me separately if you wish to know.
Heart's A Mess - Katie Noonan & Karen Schaupp : Dear tanuki, this is the song of this point in the exchange.
Hometown Glory - Adele: end of summer holidays, contemplating the concept of "home" and realizing my lack of one. Consoling this thought returning from life with family to my solitary dorm room.
